Shameless Hussy

I went in pursuit of FunExBF. The other night I drove down to the outskirts of DC and arranged to meet him since he can't be bothered to make it up my way.

I know, it was little more than shameless for me to go after him like that. And might reflect upon my sometimes questionable judgment.

The truth is, FunExBF is just that: Fun. And it was great to see him and talk about all things.

It had been five years since I last saw him.

There was a bit of a liaison, I must admit.

I came home happy.

And now I miss him.

Sad.

Stood Up!

I was supposed to see FunExBF a few nights ago and he stood me up. Now, mind you, FunExBF is a bit of a flake, so I wasn't surprised or even angry, but I was disappointed. Majorly disappointed. I had gotten all dressed up in that way you do when you're about to see exbfs, and it was a pain in the ass to get all perfect like that.

He claims that he is sorry and will try to get up this way from Down South again tomorrow. We shall see.

Hmmm... this is the first glimmer of drama that I've had in a while. I'd better be careful!

The Galileo Year

Okay, so it's not officially called "Galileo Year", but it should be. In commemoration of Galileo's lodestone that he pointed at the heavens in 1609, 2009 is going to be the International Year of Astronomy.

How do I know this?

Through the wonders of the streaming Internets. I still listen to KQED in San Francisco via their website, which is rad because WHYY in Phila... well, they can throw all the Marty Moss-Cowain they want at me, but give me Rachel Myrow and Michael Krazny over her any day, and twice on Sundays.

But back to the subject at hand: the International Year of Astronomy.

Astronomy is fascinating to me, ever since I learned about the 1919 eclipse experiment by A.S. Eddington that confirmed the theory of relativity. Matter really distorts space! Light bends according to the shape of space! Wacky! Wild! Awesome stuff!!!!

My Old bf in SF gave me a lovely book by Einstein that gives a popular recounting of the basics of relativity. How I miss him! (Einstein and Old bf, both. I haven't read any Einstein in maybe a year now.)

I ask myself, what should the International Year of Astronomy be? Shall we look for little green men? Shall we point the entire VLA in New Mexico at the North Star and see what we find?

I've always wanted to see the Southern Cross. I imagine people from Down Unda want to see the Big Dipper.

So strange that our skies look different above and below the equator.

What does the sky look like at the equator?

Random musings to start out this, the Galileo Year.

Random Bullets: Hard to Post These Days

• I don't know why it's so hard to motivate to post. I mean, blogging is supposed to be fun, right? I guess I'm just in a blogging funk.
• Things around here are not going well. Disillusionment is happening. And it is damn cold.
• I wore my "Phinally" Phillies hoodie today. Man, how much do I love my Mom for getting me that hoodie? And how happy am I that the Phillies won the Series... still?!?!
• I have amazing new shoes that I got at the Target in Delaware the other day. Talk about Fuck-Me Pumps. They just openly kick ass. So what if they only cost me 25 bucks? Who's counting?
• I heard from the exbf lurking near DC. Man, what a hoot. Why did I let him go? Or better yet, why did he let me go? It's hard to know, even now, who did the leaving...
• Cold cold cold.
• The novel bides its time. It mocks me from afar.
• So g-d tired that I can't think of anything except sleep. Na-night, blogosphere. :-)
  

Thoughts at 2 a.m.

It's really fucking cold here tonight, yes, really fucking cold, below freezing even. Not cigarette weather at all. ::sigh:: I really have to quit.

I've got my insomnia on again, although I admittedly induced it by going to the 7-11 tonight for my 20 ounces of Obama. (Someday SpellCheck will recognize the word "Obama" and not underline it in red dots... Huh. It recognizes McCain. Odd.)

So other than screwing around with spell-check on Mozilla, what else am I doing? Well, principally I'm thinking about how lonely it is here now that I've alienated most of my old (former?) friends. Interesting to see my home town with eyes unencumbered by old alliances. But still very, very lonely.

So, I'm thinking about loneliness.

And then I start thinking about G., my ex, who lurks somewhere along the DC Beltway. Should I email him? I wonder. Or would that just be inviting Hell into my kitchen? I haven't heard from G. in close to four years, he may not even have the same email...

What's the policy on gratuitously starting shit up with ex-boyfriends? Do I get bad karma points for that?

Cackelacky Logic

I talked tonight with a former friend/lover, all now tucked away in North Cackelacky with two kids, a wife and a house--a total amnesiac about our affair, too, (which, BTW, happened long before he was married) and which is probably better for him in the long run, but hangs like a white elephant doing the merengue on the telephone line between us.

We talked about the election. He's voting for McCain, because he thinks he's straightforward and won't "Rob Peter to Pay Paul", as he thinks Obama will do. So even if he agrees with Obama on social policy, apparently owning a house will make you vote for, essentially, the perception of better financial security.

As I don't own a house, I couldn't jump to the defense of Obama's economic policies. That and I know squat about economics in general.

Shamefully, especially since my friend lives in one of the most hotly contested battleground states in the union, I did not try to turn his head with my Most Heated Liberal Arguments. Instead I just kind of lay down and let him turn traitor. Why? Because I didn't want to push him any further to the right. It seems these days that that's all arguing over politics does--entrench people even further in their beliefs.

I went to hippie-dippie Montessori school until I was seven. In my hippie-dippie heaven, there was no gender, no race, no religion. It was *so* late-'70s nirvana. I have carried all those teachings with me ever since, and the school remains my imagined "happy place" when I see what's wrong with the world. I fit in well in San Liberal, where it seemed everyone lived in a hippie-dippie bubble.

Now that I'm back here, in the Red Part of a Blue State, I cling vehemently to my past, to my liberal views, but I've stopped trying to convert the McCainiacs. They'll just call me Pinko Commie Liberal. And I'll just call them Redneck Xenophobes.

God, I miss my friends in San Liberal. Not that they were open minded. They were not. It's just that their closed-mindedness I understood and agreed with. San Liberal is a bubble, though, and I'm learning more about what it *really* means to be an "Amercun" here in SJ.

I don't like what I see.

It's very lonely here these days. Just the writing and the working and the 'rents. Very little in the way of friends. And even less by way of dating.

Maybe I should call an ex-boyfriend or two. One is lurking outside of D.C. and another outside of N.Y.C.

Consider yourselves warned. ;-)

My Parents' Basement

I brought up a piece of old furniture tonight from my parents' basement-- a particle board desk that used to hold my old Macintosh IIc back in the mid-90s. It has slots on the side of it for CD-ROMs, dating it significantly. Now I need slots for all the various external hard drives I have! (One for photos, one for music, one for failed NaNoWriMo projects, etc.)

I set up the desk in the front bedroom of the apartment, which I've decided will be my office. I'm going to get a chaise longue.. or maybe just swipe one of the old twin foam mattresses (also from my parents' basement), throw a fitted sheet over it and use it as a place to flop when I need a break from writing.

NaNoWriMo is coming up, and I need to start thinking about my upcoming novel. I've always had this idea in my head (well, ever since high school) about writing a novel based on the principles of electrochemistry. Since I graduated from HS about 8 billion years ago, all of my knowledge of electrochemistry has since been cast to the four winds.

But there's my parents basement, treasure trove that it is, that has my chemistry book from college-- I wish it were my chemistry textbook from HS, but those we weren't allowed to keep. (And if I remember correctly, my HS bf ensured that I had his former copy of the book, where he had left clandestine notes to me in pencil that I was to erase when I returned the book at the end of the school year. Kind of romantic.)

Either way, I figure I'll spend the next few days working on a scheme for NaNoWriMo and refreshing my principles of ionization.

Ooop! I'm late for work! Gotta run.