Sorry for the Silence

I haven't posted in a while, sorry. I decided to give up both on NaBloPoMo and NaNoWriMo at the same time.

Not that I've *really* given up on NaNoWriMo... just the principle of it. I'm here to write a novel, yes, and this got me jump-started, hurrah, but there's something that's just too too too neurotic about NaNoWriMo.

And I don't play well with others. I kept trying to stir things up in the forums and getting nothing back, which led to great frustration and the realization that the maxim "Everyone has a book in them" is really utter bullshit.

Maybe everyone *does* have a book in them. That doesn't mean they should necessarily write it.

But kudos to all WriMos for trying, including myself. Who knows if this book is any good or not. Who really cares.

I'm feeling a bit nihilist tonight. Winter is here and I've got my doldrums on.

There was snow the other day, just enough to make things pretty.

It's very cold in the apartment...

Thoughts at 2 a.m.

It's really fucking cold here tonight, yes, really fucking cold, below freezing even. Not cigarette weather at all. ::sigh:: I really have to quit.

I've got my insomnia on again, although I admittedly induced it by going to the 7-11 tonight for my 20 ounces of Obama. (Someday SpellCheck will recognize the word "Obama" and not underline it in red dots... Huh. It recognizes McCain. Odd.)

So other than screwing around with spell-check on Mozilla, what else am I doing? Well, principally I'm thinking about how lonely it is here now that I've alienated most of my old (former?) friends. Interesting to see my home town with eyes unencumbered by old alliances. But still very, very lonely.

So, I'm thinking about loneliness.

And then I start thinking about G., my ex, who lurks somewhere along the DC Beltway. Should I email him? I wonder. Or would that just be inviting Hell into my kitchen? I haven't heard from G. in close to four years, he may not even have the same email...

What's the policy on gratuitously starting shit up with ex-boyfriends? Do I get bad karma points for that?

On Falling Asleep in the Bathtub

I needed to relax tonight. The whole kerfuffle over my email to my friends is gnawing at me-- I really ruffled a few feathers, and for that reason, couldn't get to sleep. So I decided to tune out the world, the election, the voices in my head and take a nice long bath with lavender bath salts. I eased into the tub, the water almost too hot to stand, taking very slow, long, deep breaths, and rested my head on the cool porcelain. I turned down the volume of chatter inside and tried to relax my muscles... ahhhhh....

... why is the water cold?

I startle awake. I have fallen asleep in the bathtub, something my mother always warned me against. I get out of the tub, go into the kitchen and look at the clock on the microwave... I'd been asleep for 35 minutes. No dreams. My mind just turned itself off completely.

Lavender Bath Salts, how I love you!

Now going to bed.